Sometimes when I act irresponsibily, like not showing up for class or something, I feel so bad that I try to avoid the repercussions by pretending that problem doesn't exist and I just end up making it worse until there is no turning back.

Someone wrote in the Union Gallery guestbook that I was radiant!
I was pleased.
-L.

i slept with my ex-boyfriends best friend and tried to tell myself i was a victim when i had to face the consequences.

I used to believe I deserved the world. Then I changed, I learned, I made mistakes and tried either to run away from them or face them head on. Now I'll settle for less than the world. (is it settling when you truly believe it is what you deserve?)

I used to be someone different than who I am now.

more sex

sometimes i can't stop my thoughts and then the world crashes, it can be about anything. it drives me crazy to think of things. sometimes about sex. everyone seems so attractive, so sexual, it drives me crazy and i am single. so easy to obssess. and i wonder whether i can trully find my fix. some person. but that's dangerous, attachment can be so dangerous, sex can be so binding. but this is an attitude problem, though it's a tendency.

revelations

I've recently realized how much of a hypocrite I actually am. I criticize others for their hypocrisy and in so doing I perpetute my own.
we are all bad people.

Sex

no one seems to need sex as much as I do. I think I'm obsessed with sex. I need it all the time and hate myself the day after for it.

i lie. alot. all the time. everyday. i am such a liar.

i am cosmic-ly
karmic-ly
cursed

I think I'm depressed. I'm doing really badly in school this year, because I just can't seem to get myself motivated to do the work. I think I'm failing a class and barely passing the other ones. I'm apethetic and I don't know what to do about it.

it's been 8 months since we broke up. I just emailed my ex (ex everything.) For the first risk at communicating since december.
I realized I am not ready to know him. We spoke of one day (some day, none day) talking again and the possibility of being friends.
But there is so much involved. So much hurt. So much distrust. So much confusion. I don't trust him to care about me, even a little, enough to read my emails or take the time to respond, I don't trust him to trust me again. I make assumptions about him and his attitude towards me (I assume he hates me. he should. I hate me). I try to be fair and think about how kind and caring he is (was). But I was the exception. Beyond me he treats girls like they are disposable. Now I am no longer the exception. I assume he never thinks of me - I think about him always. I assume he has dismissed me as we would any girl.
I think that if he has any memory of me and him together he wouldn't be so cruel. But I know him. He has an ability to tell himself something - that I am worthless. And then make it so.

I really want to be rich

hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse
-anon

when i like people i get nervous and am sometimes mean to them because i am afraid of rejection