I used to be on a self aware self knowing path of self destruction. I knew why and what and how I was doing to hurt myself. Now I'm not so sure. It's hard to tell where the root lies. But the destruction of a self continues, in defiance of you and him and him and him and them and you and those who I let hurt me I took away their power by hurting me instead. (it was never their faults. It's my own fault for trusting them. stupid girl!)